Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a Phantom, the stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that Colonel Egghed soon would be there...

Coming soon...ish

Rock carnage ensued at this spectacular night of togas, mullets and, of course, Rooooock & Roooooll! So heavy is the metal of the Gods, that on occasion it can summon strange creatures from the demonic planes that are drawn to the music over the space time continuum, much like a fly is to shit.

On this particular night it attracted a beast known as THE PHANTOM. He came, he took Cherrance Metals bass, and performed with the Gods. So shocked was young Chev, that he felt compelled to don Icecry’s sweaty lycras (was this an act of bravery? or just very stupid?) and wail his lungs out like a small baby on amphetamines. Splendid. Anyone who wasn’t there should have been. Big thanks to Zed, The Buffalo Kings and Comascale for making the night ROCK. All pics by Beelzebezzy - www.myspace.com/marcbessant

TJ, son of the legendary Joan Stone, pictured outside the Lower Lode Inn, Tewkesbury, in A T-Shirt he crafted himself! Our youngest fan; a true Rock Banshee.

Brummy John complete with Ye Gods! T-shirt in Malaga (that’s Spain). He keeps threatening to have the bloody hand of metal tattoed on his arse. And painted on his car. Will it ever happen? If it does, Biker John shall receive free entry into every Ye Gods! gig of the future. As will anyone else that stupid... sorry, I mean that 'brave'.

MegaGeoff prepares to bring the good word of ROCK to the population by the power of some new fangled medium called 'TV'.

So frightening are the T-Shirts of Ye Gods! that Noel Edmunds ran away crying like a small child with an itchy ring, to find solace with Mr Blobby. The rest of the audience followed him. A rock orgy ensued. Sadly, the pics are far too graphic (and disturbing) for our mighty website.

Not quite what we had in mind for these pics, but when Ian Maiden is violently sick all over himself, he has to find the nearest thing at hand to clean away the puke. If said thing happens to be a Ye Gods! T-Shirt, then so be it.

That's his story. We believe Maiden woke up in a drunken stupor, open his tired eyes and the first thing he saw was his mighty Ye Gods! T-Shirt. As we all know, so METAL is the imagery on this shirt, that it can scare you so much you vom. This is the proof!

MegaGeoff pictured with Dave Prouse (aka Darth Vader). Everything was going well until Dave spotted Mega's Ye Gods! t-shirt and came over all dark side on his ass.

The sands of time finally ran out for 2 of the Ye Spouses, Georgie & Trish, at the Lower Lode Inn Medieval Tewkesbury Festival. Luckily they were wearing their protective Ye Gods! t-shirts which can make even DEATH piss in his robe. He skulked of embarrassed also sparing the souls of Biker John & Nick which was a bonus (ha-ha, get it? Bonus - bone-us as in death is just bones and that. No? Oh well - I tried being funny but it didn't work).

The mighty metal maniac Colonel Egghed under the gargantuan Donnington Dunlop tyre. ROCK ON!

Whilst at the thunderous Rock festival Egghed found time to go mullet hunting. He spotted his prey and, with the stealth of a whispering spitfire, moved in for the kill. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Seggy Hedges and Flames Wilds on day release from Arkham Asylum in front of the Hollywood Sign in LA, California. I know the sign's hard to see, but that's as close as they'll let mentalists get...

Spawn of Flames Lamb Logan Josh, Flames and Seggy in LA. How pretty they are.

After too much fresh air the day release metal patients got all over excited and had to be returned to the playground for mentalists. They played on the disabled swings for hours until we had to shoot them with horse tranquilisers to subdue them and returned them to 'the safe place' in the interests of general public safety.

Lots of pics from Danny on Tour...

Look at this huge mighty man of metal - and that's just Icecry, check out the dude behind him! All bow and praise the Llandovery Knight... oh, and the fine T-Shirt of course...

Mighty Lord Smudger, pictured in Tenerife, his shiny crown glistening in the light of sunset, his shirt bringing the good word of Rock to a corner of the Earth where Ye Gods! had yet to reach, much to the joy of all.

Jase of Spades has been at it again. He's picked up the big, fat gauntlet that he originally threw down and slapped himself in the face with it to insight more Metal Mentalness. This has allowed him to better his original pics. Jase now officially rules as Supreme Grand Master of the T-Shirt page having conquered himself. The question is, does anyone have the balls to pick up Jase's big hairy man gauntlet and challenge his position? We shall see...

The pics were taken in Borneo by Scuba Junkie Tino, who has assisted Jase in his further commitment to ass kicking Ye Gods! stupidity.

The Green Sea Turtle pictures are from a dive around the island of Sibuan. Half way through the shoot Jase & Tino were mugged by a turtle who took a fancy to the mighty t-shirt! This goes to show the massive attraction powers that these t-shirts have. Buy one.
They're laced with animal musk.

The White Tip Reef Shark was one of a squillion which you see around the island of Sipadan. Rooooock & Roooooll!

Colonel Egghed has taken the word of Ye Gods! to the bonny land of Scotland. Pictured at Murrayfield before the Scotland v Australia game a couple of weeks ago, he scared away the crowd and the teams. The match will be rescheduled once the teams have stopped crying and hiding in holes in the Earth.

Accomplice of Jase Of Spades, Den Dennis, with his hand up a cows bottom. Now there's a caption we never thought we'd see... Sadly, Den's body is so voluptuous that he was unable to squeeze his tender frame into one of our shirts without creating an Incredible Hulk clothing disaster, so the shirt is placed near him instead. In fact, Den is so large he has his own gravitational pull. 3 small moons orbit him at present, just out of reach of his cherub like arms - a big mac, a family bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken and a small brewery that used to reside somewhere outside of Cheshire. Always be wary of men with the physical mass of a small planet. You could get hurt - as the cow in the picture discovered...

Jase Of Spades at Mount Doom, waving his shirt in the face of those that would destroy Rock. If our mighty shirt was thrown into the fires of Mount Doom, Rock would be no more. But luckily it is Jase's precious, so it'll never leave his side. Jase also left a note at the New Zealand Houses of Parliament!

Ye Photoshop!

The Ye Gods! team. 'I love it when a plan comes together' said Stratt 'Hanibal' Williams, after discovering the joys a tuning pedal can bring to guitar playing.

The Rocktastic 4:

Mr Williams -
His incredible elastic fingers enable impossible guitar licks that would make even Lord Hendrix ask "how on earth did he summon that immense amount of feedback, his amp isn't even plugged in".

Invisible Against The Machine -
Not only can he disappear from sight and then reappear atop a speaker stack to the astonishment of all, mullet flowing with power, legs broken, twisted and mangled from an unfortunate incident at Tesco - he has tits! AMAZING!

Human Metal -
Much like the Terminator, but innards made of iron making him slow, ponderous and stupid - all the qualities that make up the greatest bass player ever to walk the planet. Except for Steve Harris. And Geezer Butler. Then there's Cliff Williams. Oh, and John Deacon. I could go on. For a long time...

The Icecry -
Not only does he play Rock (albeit badly), but he's MADE of it too. Unwieldy thick hands of rock, fingers like limestone cucumbers, and a cock of Portland Cement - this man wears only blue speedos. Surely that's not right...

Heads On Spikes: It had been a long day at the office; a maniac wielding an ice pick had broken into the Rock Dungeon (where Ye Gods! are held captive for the safety of the public in general) and decapitated the band. This didn't change things much. Said maniac is now in a mental asylum. The bodies of the gods continue to perform Rock, whilst their heads have a permanent holiday atop spikes of death.

Ye Gods! - Le Banditos Avec Les Mullet - available in our shop!

Ye Scoobys. In our spare time we fight crime using a dog that's scared of the dark.

Ye Godlings!

Spawn Of Stratt Williams, Ye Godling! Tom, wearing his Daddies toupee - worship him, he rocks!

Spawn Of Cherrance Metal, Ye Godling! Danny, also donning his Pappies toupee - young rock banshee, how wonderful he looks!

Portishead Football Club, 2005

Ye Gods! & Vic Du Montes Persona Non Grata, pictured back stage at Portishead Football Club, 2005.

Flames Wilds, chief mixer of Le Banditos Avec Les Mullet, made the fatal mistake of moving to the USA, loosing his tolerance to cider, returning to the UK and drinking fifteen pints of Thatchers followed by a White Lightening chaser. Not only that, he then made the disasterous mistake of falling asleep in the abode of Sacred Rich after a Ye Gods! gig. The rather disturbingly unclean bottoms in this fine piece of Icecry photography are those of Jase Of Spades and Sacred Rich. Gentlemen, this picture will ALWAYS bring a smile to our faces...